long-distance relationship

best friends makin' it work

Archive for March, 2010

asians are good at math

Asians are good at math.

Don’t even try to give me the “Wow, Rohini, way to feed into stereotypes” tude.  We both know that when you opened your AP Calculus book to realize you didn’t have a fucking clue, it was little Ramji, sitting in the back of the classroom with his calculator watch and B.O., who came to your rescue.  So don’t even play.

In my college career, I have somehow managed to avoid taking a single mathematics course.  And by somehow, I mean that I go to a school that has no requirements, academic or otherwise, and I could, in all likelihood train a monkey for four years and still receive a degree.  So for the past three and a half years I have lived in mathless bliss with only my memory of Ms. Rubinstein’s Calculus III classroom to take me back to the good ole ‘rithmetic days.  Or at least I thought I was in bliss.

Lately I’ve been playing the “I should do this before I graduate” game and math seems to be high on my college bucket list.  After lending my TI-83 Plus to a friend and realizing he would be the first person to touch it in about three years, I knew my math hiatus had gone on too long.  My inner Asian told me to put away the laptop and pick up an abacus.  Think of it as a senior sum scramble.  No more writing papers about AIDS in Africa, Rohini.  Time to solve a real problem.

Small small glitch in my plan.  Registration has been over for weeks and no math class would open its doors to me now.  Big.  Sad.  Face.  Talk about crushing my momentary, on a whim dreams.  Just when I thought I’d retreat to my dejected place, the zany professor of my Politics of Economic Development in Asia seminar gave me an idea.  In our last class he argued that Mao = Gandhi + Violence.  At this statement I jumped forward in my seat.  Putting aside the real point my professor was attempting to make, I saw in this equation the cure for my math withdrawal syndrome.  PEOPLE EQUATIONS!  How had I not thought of this before?  People equations, or peepations as I like to call them, take what I do best (mainly, words) and create a mathematical expression.  So, here it is.  My math contribution to the world.  Some of these come courtesy of my fellow Asian mathematician, Yang.

Camilla Parker Bowles = Princess Diana – (Class + Good Looks + A Heart)

Michelle Kwan = Kristi Yamaguchi – Gold Medal

Barack Obama = Bill Clinton + Oprah

John Mayer 2010 = John Mayer 2006 + Bigot Studies

Taylor Lautner = Robert Pattinson + 8-pack – Angst

Jesse James = Tiger Woods + Tattoos (or alternative – Jesse James + Tiger Woods = Ugly Men Cheating on Hot Wives)

Mariah Carey + Glitter = Nick Cannon + Drumline (a fitting couple)

Justin Bieber = Justine Bieber?

Jeff Bridges – Country Music  = Mickey Rourke

Ricky Martin = Enrique Iglesias + George Michael

Conan O’Brien = Jay Leno + Humor + Irish Sex Appeal – 80 Cars

Will Smith + John Travolta + Tom Cruise = Scientology Psycho Cult

George Lopez = Why the hell did they give this man a late night show?

Rohini + Yang = Love + All of the Earth’s Happiness in a Fabulous Ethnic Duo

Have peepations of your own?  Add them as a comment to this post.

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getting a little mushy

Did I have a take home midterm (10 – 16 pages long) due at 4:30 p.m. today?  Yes.  Did I spend several hours formatting the cake picture you see above?  Yes.  Did I sleep last night?  No.

The answers to the three questions above typify senior spring behavior: disregard for important academic deadlines, last minute late night/early morning word processing, excessive time spent with nostalgia and photoshop.  As such, I present to you a caketastic story.

Four years ago a group of seven friends who had sat together through a four hour graduation borefest decided to celebrate the completion of their high school education by throwing a joint graduation rager.  And so the day before, going through the standard rager prep process, Yang and I found ourselves in the baking aisle of King Soopers, our local grocery store.  Now while you probably look at a list of groceries and see items to be checked off or a basket to be filled, Yang and I look down a shiny aisle of food products to see pure uncooked potential.  Some of our best ideas have come to us while pushing a shopping cart.  So on this day, staring at a line of boxed cake mixes, an idea was born.

Seven friends, seven cakes.

Rohini – Spider-man, naturally.  Would anything else even make sense?

Yang – Hello Kitty.  Anyone who owns a matching Hello Kitty pencil case, stationary and sticker set deserves a Hello Kitty cake.

Anandi – Many of us watched The Italian Job and dreamed of someday owning a Mini Cooper.  Anandi lived this dream.  Having her cake and eating it too?

Kelsey – For as long as I’ve known Kelsey, she has loved the Japanese art of origami.  FYI, she made the cranes on that cake.

Ozzie – While we all loved the TV drama The OC, it had a particularly special spot in Ozzie’s heart.  Or maybe it was Mischa Barton in his heart.  Either way this cake only seemed fitting.

Rabah – Her name is Rabah and it’s a rubber ducky.  Enough said.

Triveni – While attempting to think of a theme for Triveni’s cake we all dug deep into our knowledge of her personality.  The best we could come up with was a Bollywood theme.  And then we made this pink (you might call it cake).  Not quite sure how one relates to the other.

I hope your mouth is watering and you feel a little less complete because you didn’t have a seven-person grad party with personalized cakes.

mix & match

making a mix cd for the car is one of the first things we do on our trips home. rohini just landed and we’re immediately leaving for the big city lights of downtown denver. the responsibility of making this trip’s mix (perhaps one of many) fell on me. here it is.

More – Usher

Break your Heart (feat. Ludacris) – Taio Cruz

I Made It (Cash Money Heroes) [feat. Birdman, Jay Sean & Lil Wayne] – Kevin Rudolf

All of Your Life (You Need Love) – Backstreet Boys

BedRock – Young Money & Lloyd

Telephone – Lady Gaga ft. Beyonce

Tie Me Down (feat. Ray J) – New Boyz

Party in the USA – Miley Cyrus

Pursuit of Happiness (Nightmare) [feat. MGMT & Ratatat] – Kid Cudi

Dancing in the Moonlight – Toploader

Blah Blah Blah – Ke$ha ft. 3OH!3

Reverse Cowgirl – T-Pain

Human – The Killers

Use Somebody – Kings of Leon

Hey Soul Sister – Train

Naturally – Selena Gomez & the Scene

United State of Pop 2009 (Blame It on the Pop) – DJ Earworm

Beautiful – Akon

Good Girls Go Bad (feat. Leighton Meester) – Cobra Starship

One More Time – Daft Punk

Oh My Gosh [feat. Will.I.Am] – Usher

drivers of the denver metro area beware. cloudy with a chance of car dancing. definite chance of reckless car dancing.

tonight

rohini and i are both flying home this afternoon! i’m scheduled to arrive at 8pm and Rohini isn’t getting in until 11 (i’m keeping my fingers crossed with this snow). After a long day of work/school and travel, the average human being would likely call it a night. lucky for us, rohini and i aren’t your average humans and have quite the busy itinerary planned for ourselves. take a look.

rohini and i will…

– be reunited after 2 long weeks apart

– share a great big hug that will likely involve a combination of squealing, laughing, jumping and maybe even some tongue

– see the proud loving faces of our parents, followed immediately by their looks of disappointment when we both go rushing out the front door

– drive around car dancing to a mix cd of all of our current favorite songs

– go to Lodo’s, our most favoritest bar in Denver

– dance with a dozen men who will get the wrong idea

– repeatedly say “i wish we could do this every weekend”

– overstay our welcome at Village Inn as we inhale veggie omelets, french fries and pie

– even consider a stop at Del Taco for cheesecake bites, and by “consider” I mean definitely go

– make plans for the rest of our weekend. plans should include but are not limited to: the mall, chipotle, noodles & company, a movie, lots of pictures, driving around, spending time with friends, more downtown and more dancing

– return home way later than we’ll tell our parents we did the next morning

– get some much needed sleep in our beds at home

– have laughed and smiled and laughed all night long :)

For Hire


Look at my beautiful new resume heading! Courtesy of Megan Reddish’s design talents. The line displays the four places I’ve lived: Australia, Montreal, Colorado and NYC. It’s gorgeous. Click on it for a better look.

Rohini and I have been spending quite some time revamping our resumes. While she’s already been accepted into Teach For America’s St. Louis Corps, she still needs to go through the process of getting hired at a school. I, on the other hand, have no idea what I’m doing come June, so I need to send out my resume and dvd reel to local stations all over the place. Working on my resume got me thinking about what our resumes should really say. Here’s what I came up with.

Rohini
Education : Brown University, aka the hippy Ivy school

International Relations “Concentration”
GPA: :) Sunshine and rainbows

Work Experience
– Slave to her education
– Lives and breathes Teach For America
– Student caller for the Brown Annual Fund (aka spokeswoman for the “I love Brown and so do you so give us money please” campaign)
– Frontier Airlines Employee of the Month
(Rohini’s face almost made it onto the tail of a plane, but she was beat out by an adorable jellyfish)
– Victoria’s Secret Mistress of Bust Measuring and Cupping
– Trainer for a bathroom challenged toddler
– Discover Channel Store Roboraptor connoisseur

Skills
– Always a team player (until you do your job wrong; will then commandeer your project and do it better)
– Operates efficiently on little to no sleep and large amounts of caffeine
– Impeccable proofreading/professional writing skills
– Fantastic with kids; will give piggy back rides and play made-up dreidel games
– Can go 9-5 without a single bathroom break; bladder of steel
– Work through lunch and eat an apple kind of employee
– “Fun time” advocate, especially at the weekly office Happy Hour
– Friendly with everyone, particularly the custodial and security staff
– “No quit” policy (two weeks notice = cop out)
– Robust immune system (Sick days?  Don’t need ’em.  Save those for your weaker employees)

—-

Yang Yang (hire me for my name)
Education: NYU – must clarify that my family is not rich
Majors: Journalism & Economics (I live a lie. Yes, I majored in economics. No, I don’t understand it)
Minor: French Language
GPA: I’d rather not say

Work Experience:
– Intern – Bloomberg TV, Washington DC
– Intern – ABC World News, New York, NY
Talked Diane Sawyer into taking the World News anchor gig
– Intern – Channel One News, New York, NY
Amassed a small facebook fan base that consisted primarily of high school boys from Baltimore
– Intern – Merrill Lynch, New York, NY
Worked on Wall Street for 2 years and still know absolutely nothing about finance
– Intern – WPIX News, New York, NY
Introduced to all aspects of local news: the good, the bad and the ugly 2-10am shift
– Intern – Live! with Regis and Kelly, New York, NY
Learned everything not to do on my future talk show with Rohini.
– Intern – Viewpoint WABC-TV, New York, NY
Nothing worth sharing
– Training Intern – Orica USA
Made safety training modules and lent my voice to online training courses and the American office’s orientation video. Ask me to say “safety helmet” and “emergency eyewash station.” I say them like a pro.

I’ve interned at a lot of places. It’s time we put my face on TV.

Skills
– Fantastic phone manners; on George Clooney’s short list for telethons
– Talented Minesweeper competitor
– Innate ability to get private information out of people; you’d be surprised what I can get you to share with me
– Specializes in workplace romances; will not be a sexual harassment liability
– Sunshine-like; will brighten the workplace
– Has a great mane of hair; may seem irrelevant, but we’re talking tv. it matters.
– Speaks English, French, Chinese and English with a British accent. can also order mexican food after taking Spanish for 8 years.
– Strong work ethic; has nothing better to do and no life

—-

Things both of our future employers should know
– You can expect us to visit each other at least once a month
– Rohini and I will call each other everyday, multiple times a day
– We will be each other’s emergency contacts and dates to company functions
– Our inboxes will reach their quota each and everyday from excessive email correspondence
– We will write for the blog while at work. Don’t be a dick about it, because we’ll write about you being a dick and use your real name.
– If Gmail is blocked at work, we’ll need to get that lifted. Rohini and I need to chat at all times. It will make us more productive. We swear.
– We do great work, but don’t take our word for it. Hire us (or ask any of the hundreds of women Rohini sized at Victoria’s Secret).

size doesn’t matter

It occurred to me recently that in many ways Yang is the yang to my yin.  Now before you “Duh Rohini” me, allow me to clarify.  Where I do big, Yang does small, and vice versa.  Size counterpart?  You might say so.  Here’s a list of our bigs and smalls.  Let’s see if you can figure out which one of us is bigger (or smaller).

Big feet, Small(er) feet
Big makeout number, Small(er) makeout number
Big eyes, Small eyes
Big hands, Small hands
Big name, Small name
Big boobs, Small boobs
Big brother, Small brother
Big booty, Small booty
Big drinker, Small drinker
Big appetite, Small appetite
Big university, Small university
Big head, Small head
Big spender, Small(er) spender
Big bladder, Small bladder

I hope by reading this you’ve been able to pick up on rohiniandyang Life Tip #101: size just doesn’t matter.  Big, small, at the end of the day we’re both fucking awesome.  There is one matter in which Yang and I believe BIG does make a difference and I think most of you will agree.

Dreams.  Though if you ask me, our dreams aren’t big.  They’re HUGE.

one’s company

After a shorter than usual weekend with my best friends in a cramped apartment (sorry, we didn’t take any pictures), I’m reminded of how much I love them, but also of how grateful I am for my current solo living arrangement.

Living by oneself is a very expensive luxury, which is why I prefer calling it a necessity for my own financial justification. I live in a studio apartment in Dupont Circle that I happen to be very pleased with. After work or a long night out, I get to come home to an empty apartment with belongings that belong to me and no one else. My favorite pictures adorn the walls and my ample closets are filled with no one’s clothes but my own. I like to keep my little home tidy, fresh-smelling and neat. But if the apartment is messy, a state that it seems to find itself in with more frequency as of late, I take comfort in knowing that the mess was made by me and no one else.

Courtney, Sarah and my dear brother Bowen have been the only people I’ve enjoyed living with. I thank them for being such great friends and roommates. To everyone else who has shared a room or apartment with me, all I have to say is thank you for putting me through what you did. Living with you made me realize that nothing in life (i.e. taxes, 9 – 5 workdays, a lifelong prison sentence in solitary confinement) could be worse than sharing a common space with you.

This marks the first time that I’ve ever lived on my own and I love it. Rohini is the one person I would like to live with, because I know we would do a pretty smashing job of it. We’ve vowed to live together when we’re finally in the same city, whenever and wherever that may be. Living together is one thing that we haven’t taken on in our relationship. It’s the logical next step. Until then, here are some of the wonderful perks to living alone.

– Never having to do the who-takes-out-the-trash dance
– Never needing to unclog the shower drain of anyone’s hair but your own
– Never waiting for a tiny female to shower for way longer than her body surface area and hair length truly warrant
– Never needing to sit through an episode of The Hills
– Never walking into the bathroom on a night when your roommate is planning on getting some to find pubic hair all over the bottom of the tub. Absolutely horrifying
– Never finding a bowlful of week-old Korean food stowed away by your international roommate from the land of kim chi, which you put in the sink yesterday only to find it back in the cupboard again today
– Never feeling your bed shake, rattle and roll when your roommate is “listening to music”/”just watching a movie” next door
– Never needing to listen to (insert song of choice) as you go to sleep to block out the moaning sounds from next door
– Never cleaning out food that has undergone both physical and chemical change from your communal fridge
– Never being “sexiled” (I hate this word btw) from your own room (way harder to stomach when you’re being sexiled for an ugly person)
– Never needing to hear your roommate yell at her parents over the phone in Chinese. Only I’m allowed to be rude to my Chinese parents, because when I do it, it’s funny.
– Never having to feel like you’re sleeping next to the dumpster at Wendy’s
– Never needing permission to have friends over
– Never needing to stare at pictures of your roommate’s less attractive friends having much less fun than you and your way hotter friends are clearly having in your photo frames
– Never feeling obligated to invite a roommate along
– Never needing to act nice and put on a smile for your roommates when you’ve had a really bad day
– Never having to pay for your roommates leaving their TV and lights on or paying more than your share of utilities
– Never needing to clean after anyone (more like everyone) else’s mess

I hope this can also be a list of “never agains.” In planning for our happy lives together, Rohini and I have discussed our future living arrangements at length and one requirement we both agree on is this: no adjacent bedrooms.