long-distance relationship

best friends makin' it work

Things guys shouldn’t say…or do…or be

As the winter months approach and Love Actually becomes your DVD player’s best friend, you may feel compelled to find someone to share this Xmas with.  The winter cold, however, can trick even the most sensible women into falling for truly terrible lines.  While the possibility of a post-date cuddle may sound enticing, there are some arms you just shouldn’t wrap yourself in.

In what we are conservatively describing as our dating lives, we’ve experienced our share of highs and many more low-lives.  Having met a sizable group of “men you should walk away from” we feel it’s necessary to share some things you shouldn’t look for under the mistletoe this holiday season.

We may have put up with these lines, but you don’t have to.

“Wanna bet?”
“What are we betting?”
“A kiss.”

You may have heard those lines in a meltyourheart romcom but in real life the kiss wager is an emptyyourstomach mess. When I’m proving you wrong I want to be paid with cash money.  Vegas wasn’t built on saliva.

“I’ve never kissed an Asian/Indian before.”

And after that line, you won’t be checking off that box anytime soon. What are you? A census worker? Nothing kills romance quite like yellow fever. Get that checked out.

“I only date Jewish girls.”

Well, “I don’t date racist boys.”  But once in a jewish-blue moon, a dumb shiksa will rise to the challenge.

“Can I borrow a hair tie?”

Words that should never be uttered by a guy to a girl. We all know what an epic joke Steven Seagal is. Don’t follow in his footsteps.

“I just have to make a quick business call.”

If I can put aside my lesson plans/homework/serious journalistic work to make time for you, you can save your business call for business hours.  Unless you’re a pimp there is no reason for work calls post 10 p.m.

“I go to Northeastern.”
“Oh cool. In Boston?”
“No in…”

“…Sterling, Colorado.” Be aware of better known, nationally accredited 4-year universities with similar names to your alma mater. Just like Cornell College is not Cornell, Northeastern Junior College is not Northeastern.

“Good morning, beautiful”

While nice to hear once in a while, when repeatedly texted every morning for a month after a drunken night on a casino dance floor, the word desperate comes to mind… so does the old adage “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”

“ :( “

Sad face emoticon?  I feel sad for you.

We hope you enjoyed Part 1 of what will surely be a multi-part series.

This blog post was brought to you thanks to the innovative google docs. Simulblogging! Why didn’t we utilize this sooner?

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