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usa vs. canada

are you thinking what we’re thinking?

that’s a magnificent t-shirt and that girl is really flat-chested. somebody get that shirt for Yang.

with all the usa vs. canada hysteria surrounding the olympic gold medal game (long live Canada!), we’ve decided to put our two cents in.  yang spent most of her formative years in good ole quebec and rohini is a bleed red, white and blue american. naturally you can guess what sides we took for the game.  neither of us has any particular interest in the sport of hockey or the dental damage it produces, so here are other reasons we root for team usa and team canada.

Yang’s List: Reasons why Canada is better than the United States
– Celine Dion is a Canadian. Jim Carrey, Michael Buble, Will.I.Am, Mike Myers, Ryan Gosling and Avril Lavigne are other notable Canadian-Americans who have done  and still continue to do amazing things for the United States. I nominate Canada for the Nobel Peace Prize.
– Canada’s free healthcare. If I were in Canada I wouldn’t be in the current insurance-less position that I’m in right now.
– With the many more legitimate political parties at play, Canadian government makes for more interesting politics.
– French–Canadians put gravy and cheese curds on their French fries. Enough said.
– “O Canada!” is sung in two languages. Thanks to the country’s strong promotion of bilingualism, my French is probably a lot better than your French.
– The metric system just makes a whole lot more sense. To this day, I still don’t understand football. I blame the “imperial” metric system.
– Canada exercised peace to win its independence. We did the mature thing and were the first to utilize the phrase, “It’s not you. It’s me.” Britain understood and we’ve been good friends ever since.
– Which brings me to my next point: Canada doesn’t go around starting wars all over the place.
– Slavery was abolished in Canada in 1830. Take a good look at yourself, America. For shame.
– You can drink, gamble, and drink & gamble at 18. Even Rohini will have to give me this point.
– Getting a good education is much cheaper in Canada.
– This was a long time ago, but I remember being a lot more popular with the boys when I was back in Canada. Naturally this means that Canadian men have better taste in women/5th grade girls.
– Canadians manage to carry on with their day-to-day lives when there’s snow on the ground.
– Canada is credited with the inventions of hockey, lacrosse and even basketball. You’re all very welcome.
– Oh and one last thing, Canadians are better at hockey. O Snap!

For the record, I am a proud American citizen. This post and all emotions expressed in it will be deleted from the internet as soon as my future husband or I run for political office.

Rohini’s List: Reasons why the United States is better than Canada
– Aunt Jemima.  When I make pancakes (or more likely Eggo Waffles because who are we kidding, I don’t cook), I douse them in the good old reliable Auntie J.  Canadians, you can keep your maple syrup.  I like to see a friendly, smiling, all-American face when I’m eating my breakfast.
– We don’t take no orders from the Queen.  Unlike the Canadians, we had the balls to tell Britain to fuck off and get up and out of our business.  Now, we can watch the motion picture, The Queen, without having to think, “Oh God, that’s our mess of a majesty.”
– Hollywood.  Does Canada even have a film industry?  I am thankful for the thousands of blockbusters America puts out every year because they provide yet another way for me to avoid doing work.
– Las Vegas, Miami, Atlantic City.  We do trashy cities and we do them well.
– When you’re thinking about faux French regions of the world where would you rather go?  Montreal where you would spend a day wandering through museums, or New Orleans where you would stuff your face with deep-fried everything and Mardi Gras like there’s no tomorrow?  Do I even have to ask this question?
– Canadians have the CFL and Americans have the NFL.  I think we all know who wins here.
– Free healthcare?  I think this is code for “weaker immune system.”  And I am saying this as a full-blooded American who beat the swine flu.  Twice.
– In our national anthem we spell “oh” with an h, the way it’s meant to be.  I can proudly sing “Oh say can you see” without feeling like an “O Canada” dumbass.
– Saskatchewan?  America has pronounceable state names.
– Some people are thinkers and some people are doers.  The Canadians invented the anti-gravity suit.  We landed on the moon.
– When America doesn’t win the gold medal, we don’t cry about it until the Olympic Committee feels bad enough to award a second gold (*cough* Sale and Pelletier).  USA Men’s Hockey team, you wear those silver medals with pride.

Celine Dion, you are Canada’s only redeeming factor. Thank goodness you wised up and came to Caesar’s Palace.

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a sure shot

Tonight as I watched over six straight hours of football (with quite a heart-racing finale), I came to three realizations.  Number one: While it is a dream of mine to someday marry starting Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez, watching Mrs. Favre cringe every time Brett took a hard hit (and boy that happened a lot) made me rethink my future vows of NFL matrimony.  Number two: I have far too much random football knowledge stored in my head.  While I hadn’t heard of the young star kicker Garrett Hartley before tonight’s overtime victory, I did recognize the washed up quarterback who held that winning snap, Mark Brunell.  I waste too much brain space with names like Mark Brunell or Tommy Maddox or Joey Harrington (don’t bother Googling them…there’s a reason you don’t already know their names).  Finally, number three: It is a crying shame that Yang and I never invested our naturally aggressive spirits into playing competitive sports. You know, deep down I believe that high school athletics really missed out on two MVPs when we walked past team tryouts to head for our debate club meetings.  Granted neither one of us can run a mile in under twelve minutes, and we both tend to cramp up pretty quickly.  Still, anyone who’s seen us play a game of Monopoly knows that we fight until the bitter end.  What more do you need to win a sports match?

Yang and I did dabble in the sports arena when in the 8th grade we signed up for a month of golf lessons.  At the time, a brief love affair with the primetime drama E.R. had inspired us both to pursue careers in medicine.  To prepare ourselves for the wealth and glamour of our future surgeon lives we thought it best to practice our shots on the driving range.  The lessons we had signed up for were intended for the 6 – 14 age group.  Little did we realize that a majority of the students in our lesson were on the lower end of this age range.  We were, undoubtedly, the oldest members of the class.  We were also, by a long shot, the worst players to ever pick up a club.  No pun intended.

Driving a tiny ball hundreds of feet into the air with the aim of hitting a specific target is understandably a difficult feat.  Making contact with the ball, on the other hand, you would think that would be cake.  Yet, on more than one occasion Yang and I found ourselves winding all the way back, bringing the club down with full force, then following through, only to find the ball in between our feet untouched by our strokes.  Every member of our group lesson grasped the sport better than we did, including a seven-year old crippled boy who had a mean drive.  After several hacking attempts, half hitting the ground and half whacking straight through the air, we would finally make contact with a ball or two.  They wouldn’t go far, but we took these shots as small victories.  Reasons to come back for the next week’s lesson.  Still, by the end of the month we were no more vested in golf, than Tiger Woods was in fidelity.  It was a lost cause.

Our brief stint with the golf club put a damper on any future athletic pursuits we might have considered.  We gave ourselves to sports and sports said no.  While writing this post, however, I came across an old Facebook wall-to-wall exchange between myself and Yang which suggests that there is hope yet for the athletes within us.  I’ve copied and pasted it below.

Rohini bitch…how was the us open?

Yang it was awesome. you know that i’m not even a tennis fan, but it was seriously such an amazing time. we have to go. i plan on going every year, you should join me.

miss you. see you soon i hope.

Rohini let’s do it. actually let’s brush up our own tennis skills and play women’s doubles.

Yang that is the best idea i have ever heard.

Rohini team chindia kicks ass against the williams sisters.

I’ll be the first to admit it; golf wasn’t the sport for us.  But the potential is still there, my friends.  Even though Yang is scared of flying balls, and I’m mildly asthmatic, the two of us together, we’re full of untapped athletic potential.  And this potential will be serving up aces on next year’s Wimbledon courts.

when you’re a jet, you’re a jet all the way

in honor of the beautiful city that yang just left and my deep-seated hatred for all six feet and five inches of philip rivers,

GO JETS.

also, mark sanchez is beautiful.  soon to be featured on our asspirations page.